The best and worst feeling

Me, holding a copy of my newest novel, The Spanish Exile

Last night, I finished making proof corrections on my historical novel The Spanish Exile (it will be my third published book, second novel). It was the best and worst feeling.

The best feeling --

It was grueling, getting to this point. I had been correcting TSE from a printed book. (If you ever want motivation to finish editing a book, get a printed copy because it will feel real, make you happy each time you look at the cover, and you'll have something to work towards.)

Every time I turned the page, I had marked some other correction or another. I am a meticulous editor, and I drove myself nuts with my editorial marks. At least I know that I scoured the manuscript as best as I could. Nothing would bug me more than a typo slipping past. I whined to my hubby about what felt like an endless chore, but he was largely unsympathetic. "Buck up," he said.

So I did. And last night as of a little past midnight, I got to the end of the book. Went to bed and pretty much zonked out from exhaustion.

I was late to a Chamber board meeting this morning because my brain has just been so preoccupied getting these edits done. During the meeting, bubbles of happiness escaped from my heart occasionally.

It was like, "Let's talk about business after hours." And the random thought would pop up, "The Spanish Exile is done! I can upload it today for pre-order!" Of course I contributed to the discussion at hand and kept my happy book thoughts to myself.

Finally afterwards, while driving down 65 mph on the highway, I screamed in the truck, "I finished the book! I finished the book!" I was laughing and crying all at the same time. It's been a long haul, and heck, I totally deserved to celebrate.

The worst feeling --

When I was in high school, I was super shy. In order to break out of my shell, I challenged myself to sing in front of my classmates in a vocal music class. At the wings, I felt ill.

I am feeling like that right now. It's your turn to perform. You are just about to go on stage, and everyone will be watching. Your hands are clammy, your stomach is churning. It's horrible.

I am scared to put out this book. Judging from people's reactions to the cover, I think there is a certain expectation. So the thoughts flay me:

What if it sucks?
What if I didn't catch certain typos?
What if people hate the plot?
What if people scoff at the plot?
What if Spaniards, born in the 18th century and on, deluge me with angry emails?
What if, what if...?

With my high school analogy, there was a happy ending. I got on that stage, got through my song, not perfectly, but I did it, and everyone clapped. Not just politely, but encouragingly. There was love all around.

So I am gonna take a deep breath, look into my options today for the next step (pre-orders, book launch, hire out e-book formatting because other people are more talented than me). But at the very least, I have a launch date.

03.01.17

Which is significant for a couple of reasons. First, it is my youngest daughter's birthday. She has kept me going through this whole process, with her enthusiasm and help figuring out how to fix the plot, so it just seems fitting that TSE's book birthday is that day. Second, it is the day after Feb. 28, which is my book launch party date.

I feel good about the book. I didn't just do the minimum work on it. I put in major effort and I will not look back thinking I had sold myself short.

So here goes!

Jewel Allen is an award-winning journalist, author and ghostwriter. She is the author of a novel, Ghost Moon Night, and a political memoir, Soapbox. Her historical novel The Spanish Exile, about a Spanish army officer who has to choose between duty and love, will take center stage March 1, 2017. Visit her at www.jewelallen.com.