Developing that thick writer's skin

by Jewel Allen

The other day, I told my husband I was worried about whether or not I should have posted a brief but interesting conversation I had with the Utah governor about my recently published political memoir Soapbox.

His response went something like this: “You just wrote this revealing memoir, and you’re worried about that?”

He was right, of course. I laughed, shrugged off my worry, and left it up.

Non-fiction writers are an interesting bunch. Revealing what we think and feel in our stories is about as natural as breathing, but our psyches can’t handle the prospect of rejection, real or imagined. This goes for fiction writers, too, but it’s especially tough for non-fiction writers. Criticism of a true story, our true story, hits too close to home.

So we say that we want to write our story, but we find excuses not to, because it’s too scary to put ourselves out there.

What if I told you that you not only can share your story, but that you must, for your well-being? Because the longer you hold on to that inside you, the harder it will be to remember the truth. The harder it will be to move on to other projects. I promise, it gets easier, the more you do it.

But I will not lie, it does take a thick skin to put an essay out there, let alone a memoir.

A thick writer’s skin develops over time. Mine came about as a journalist/essayist over a period of twenty years. I've mined my life liberally for material. I wrote about the time I saw my brother after his military academy boot camp, his body gaunt and eyes hollowed from him not being allowed to eat enough food; then another time when, at 16, I almost married a 30-year-old guy from Idaho, had my mom not been my roommate and intervened; and yet another, as a 30-something stay-at-home-mom, when I auditioned for and became the lead singer for a garage rock band which I eventually had to walk away from.

What if you don’t have the luxury of a long-term publishing experience? Here are some ways you as a writer can develop that thick skin.

1.Be honest in your writing. Oddly enough, the more honest you are, the sounder you’ll sleep at night. Even if people criticize the content of your story, you can say with confidence, “That is my story and I’m sticking to it.”

2.Practice, practice, practice. Start in small doses. Write an essay about a happy subject. Then write  about a painful one you’d just as soon forget. Develop a theme in your writing projects, and pretty soon, you will have the makings of a book. Not only that, but you’ll also get the hang of revealing more of yourself each time.

3.Own your story. For good or ill, so long as you are honest, stand by it. Raise your head up high. Swagger down the proverbial Main Street like a gunslinger and don’t lose sleep over it. Any outcries will only make detractors look foolish.

4.A note of caution, however: If in doubt, consult a lawyer. It’s good to be honest, but some people might decide to sue you for defamation.

5.Imagine the worst possible reaction to your story and decide it won’t be as bad as you think. Your family could disown you. You could get fired from your job. You could make your mother cry. The butcher down the street could ogle you with a glint in his eye because now he knows your secret.

Most likely, what will really happen is this: your mother, bless her heart, will not have time to read your memoir, not with her packed schedule of bridge on Tuesdays, canasta on Thursdays, and the Friday hairdresser appointment. As long as you aren’t slandering your family, they will most likely want to have a selfie taken with their published author-child.

6.Establish your credibility by sharing your writing publicly. Start a blog and update it frequently. Write your family a travelogue about your vacation. Guest blog. Write essays or opinion guest columns for a newspaper. After you write essays and have them published, your readers will trust you. Even your family will get used to them being the subject of your pieces.

7.Remember that some of the most powerful writing out there stemmed from a writer’s honest exploration of events that happened in their life. How much richer our lives are because Anne Frank wrote her diary, Frank McCourt regaled us with anecdotes from his Irish childhood, and Elizabeth Smart shared her inspiring story of resilience. You, too, can enrich other people’s lives.

8.Pray for courage. Sometimes, we can't do it all on our own. We are just the conduit to an important message that someone else needs to hear.

You have a story worth sharing. Trust in yourself and set it free.

Jewel Allen is an award-winning journalist, author and ghostwriter. She is the author of a young adult paranormal mystery, Ghost Moon Night, and a political memoir, Soapbox: How I landed & lost a columnist gig, fought a prison, and got elected. Visit her at www.jewelallen.com.