Courage

Courage

I’m a new writer. At 56, you may think I’m coming late to the game. But I’m of the opinion that any age is a wonderful time to plunge head first into the deep waters of introspection, creativity, and self-expression. Like you, I force myself into the uncomfortable arena of public scrutiny in order to improve my writing. That’s why I committed to be a regular contributing author on this blog. But exposing my heart and mind to the black hole of the internet just terrifies me.

It’s way worse than attending my first writer’s critique group:

After reading the first few sentences of my piece aloud, I suddenly felt abandoned by humanity and pictured myself kneeling before the guillotine. My face burned with heat. I didn’t dare look up because I sensed everyone’s squirming discomfort. After I finished reading, several awkward moments were needed to formulate a polite way to say, “This stuff is crap! Who do you think will read this?” The president of the writing chapter validated my insecurities when he opened his door to me the following month and said, “Wow, I’m surprised you came back!”

At least my humiliation then was a self-inflicted wound in a cozy, contained setting. Posting on a Facebook page subjects you to possible damnation to infinity and beyond. What if my post is SO bad that it goes viral and Jimmy Fallon wants me on his show to wring out every last drop of public ridicule possible? Just kidding, I know I don’t have the talent to write that bad, but still . . .

To help conquer my current fears, I thought back on some former challenges I had met. Remembering what I’m capable of propels me forward. Here’s the short list:

·        five caesarean section surgeries

·        spent an entire night in a mice infested tent trailer  

·        completed a 50 mile mountain race as a grandma

·        after 32 years of full time homemaking, became a Placenta Encapsulator (processing placentas into pills for mommies)

If I could do that…

What can stop my writing goals? My passion lies in nonfiction because it encompasses the contemplative and substantive stuff of life. I relish my obsession with memoir and have begun writing my own. 

Here is a list of my favorite books that got me going:

     On writing

• Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg
• The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr
• Stein on Writing by Sol Stein
• Writing Creative Nonfiction by Tilar J. J. Mazzeo (The Great Courses Lecture)

Memoirs

• The Liar’s Club by Mary Karr
• Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
• Dispatches by Michael Herr
• The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
• A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel
• This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff

I’m fighting to quiet my fears and embolden my courage to write. So far, most of what I’ve encountered has been kindness and support from fellow writers. Thank you for helping me stay in the games. Maybe I can be the poster grandma for those of you who have something to say but lack the confidence to jump into the arena.

Let’s do this thing!

Carpe Diem, Baby!